Belonging
by 1VioletMoon1
Summary: (Under editing) "The feeling of not belonging, of not being entirely worthy, of being sometimes hostage of your own sensibilities. Those things speak to me very personally." 16 year old Valerie Archwood moves in with her aunt at Sweet Amoris after her year-long depression. As she settles in, she fails to see how she can be happy here, that is until she meets Castiel Hines.
1. Chapter 1

**_Chapter One –Arrival :_**

It was a pretty sucky thing when I had to move. There I was, finally feeling what every human craves: belonging. But my parents thought it would be best to send me off to live with my aunt after my yearlong depression. Fortunately, it's old waters now, and I can finally say with gusto that I am a lot happier.

The still frost clamped onto the thick windows, gripping the glass in the midst of the frozen fog. All my thoughts seemed to be merged into one big buddle of endless pandemonium.

Aunt Agatha didn't actually live that far from where I used to live, but the ride seemed to take countless hours, although it was really only a four hour distance from New York to Sweet Amoris.

As though my prayers had been answered, the train halted to my final stop. Before I stood, my eyes had already swept over to Aunt Agatha through the window. She stood casually by a few benches. Her long hair was tinted pink this time.

Every time I saw Aunt Agatha her hair was dyed in another bright and unusual color. That was one of the little things that made her ten times more awesome.

As I stood from my seat, our eyes meet. Her face grew bright, and she promptly waved at me, one of her dress's straps falling on one side. I waved back, smiling through the window.

All right, perhaps the situation wasn't so bad after all. I really loved Aunt Agatha, despite the fact that she could be completely insane more times than I could count. Not to mention she had an ancient and slightly unhealthy obsession with my literally nonexistent love life.

As I tugged my earphones off I descended the train's steps, skipping the last one to avoid the narrow gap. The air was sweet here. Actually sweet. I suppose the town's name has its valid reasoning.

"Sweetie!" Aunt Agatha's wholesome, sugary voice approached from behind. "My, look at how much of a woman you've become!"

I halted my single suitcase to a stop beside me before replying, "I don't think a 5''6, size B-cup, 16 year old could be viewed as a grown woman, Auntie."

I chuckled. She laughed.

"Oh, come here you snarky little cuddle-wubby!"

Agatha's slim arms pulled me into a tight embrace before I could utter a single response to her cringe worthy nickname. Even so, I returned her gesture fondly.

We lingered, her soft hands drawing consistent circles on my back. After a few moments, she said, "I'm sorry I couldn't be there for you when you needed me the most, Valerie. But, now that we're together, I swear I will. Always."

Part of me wanted to protest, to say that my depression was long dead and gone. The other part of me, however, was realistic enough to see that I wasn't sure. It could see I wasn't sure if I would ever be happy here. Even with Auntie here to pick up the broken shards of my chest's insides and swiftly puzzle them back together one by one, and finally kissing the wound well. Even with all that, I just didn't know.

Two stories, quite narrow, pastel colored. Those were the words that best described my aunt's house. Though through vague memories, I still remembered skidding along the front yard as a child. The hem of my dress torn from all the scraping against the various rose bushes, my brunette ponytail limp and tousled from all the running around and my chubby cheeks flustered with adrenaline.

I think that was the first time I saw that house without a smile on, and in turn, a frown.

Once settled in, Aunt Agatha decided it would be best if I walked around town for a while. After all, it was still early and school only officially began for me on Monday. I accepted, mostly out of boredom rather than curiosity.

The streets were different from what I expected. Yet, they were exactly how the name suggested. They were sweet and lovely.

Giggling little children ran around wildly through the parks, old couples nuzzled against each other lovingly as they watched, while other people… just seemed genuinely happy to be alive, I guess.

This whole town was so unlike New York. The streets there were flooding with rushing people who never even thought of smiling, just of how late they were to their monotonous meetings. It was like all life was drained out of them. An open tap with no water to spill.

I decided to text Vicktor as I sat beneath the shadows of a tall oak tree near the park.

_From: Valerie _

_To: Contact name: "Vicky"_

"_forgot to text when I arrived. sorry. been here for a few hours."_

A few moments later, a reply:

_From: Vicktor_

_To: Contact Name: "Val-Val~"_

_"__Val! Hey! how was the the travelling? is it cool there? met any1 yet?"_

_From: "Val-Val~" _

_ "__wow there, vic haha. I said I arrived a few hours back, not years! but yeah, it's actually very pretty and full of life."_

_From: "Vicky"_

_ "__sooooo the exact opposite of NY?" _

I stifled a laugh. Vicktor has been my best friend since kindergarten. He had always defended me from obnoxious kids who would pick on me. In return, I would do the same for him.

After texting him for a while, my phone ran out og battery. I decided then was a good time to head back to Agatha's. Only… I got hopelessly lost in a town the size of a pea. Worse, I couldn't find a bright pastel house. Well, actually, many houses were bright here, little were dark colored.

The late afternoon sun slowly sank down the tall hills bordering the town, a single drop of sweat trickled down my neck as I found myself not being able to find the street Aunt Agatha lived in.

My breaths quickened, and my lips felt raw from all the chewing I've been doing on them. _How did I even manage to get lost here?_

What felt like hours passed by. I kicked a near trash can in defeat, cursing under my breath.

"Hey! Get out the way, girl."

A rough voice came from behind me. Raising my head, I found that it was a boy. A pretty peculiar looking boy, but a boy nonetheless. He had thin red hair reaching his jawline, a shirt of a band (that I actually quite enjoyed) with a black leather jacket over it.

He was quite attractive, not going to lie here. But, then my eyes landed on his.

I never quite understood what authors meant with stone cold eyes before (and, admittedly, I still sort of don't) but if I had to guess, I'd say his fit the exact definition. In that moment, his eyes were so dark they seemed to have no pupils at all.

"Didn't you hear me? Move!" He spat, crossed arms falling to his sides.

I was afraid he was going to kick me out of the way like a helpless little pebble, so like the dimwit I am I tried to ease him with humor.

"You see, I would, but your overwhelming presence just has my feeble little self on my knees." I said, instantly regretting each word as it worked its way from my mouth. Yup, he was definitely going to kick me out the way like a pebble if he didn't want to before.

I thought I saw his lips twitch and his tensed up shoulders relax slightly.

"Who are you?" He asked, almost mumbling.

"Valerie Archwood."

I was about to ask his name when his gaze left mine. Without another sound, he sidestepped me, making his way forward.

I stared at his fading figure, not knowing quite what to do.

A mosquito circled around me and I frantically swept it away. When I looked up again, he was out of sight.


	2. Chapter 2

**_Chapter Two - "Dude wears the same vest everyday":_**

The weekend went by without a single eventful happening taking place. I didn't get out of the house once I finally found Agatha's place, which was almost at eleven. Needless to say, my aunt found it best I only went out if I was with her from there on out. I couldn't agree more.

Well, maybe one thing that could be considered an eventful happened, on Sunday morning.

"Agatha, I want to go out."

"Sure. Where to, Val?" She looked up from the newspaper she was reading.

"Anywhere, really."

She laughed. I just gaped at her. "You seem quite desperate. What, tired of hanging 'round with your sweet ol' aunt already?"

"No. It's just that sitting around in my room all day really reminds me of… the bad times. You know?"

"Oh. I see."

After that, she promised we'd go out for dinner as soon as she got back from work. I was already asleep when she came home that night though, so that plan went right down the drain.

When the next morning rolled its way over to silent little Sweet Amoris, I had a new perspective on the whole situation. I didn't feel so stupid and gloomy anymore. If anything, I actually felt really happy and energized.

That morning, I walked to school with Agatha. She said that she left for work earlier than I did for school, so she showed me how to walk to Sweet Amoris High by myself.

Looking around the town now, I realized just how much of a moron I was to get lost. The park I went to on Friday was literally one straight street away from home. One. Street. Away. Just _how_ did I manage to get lost?!

"Sweet Amoris High! Isn't it pretty, Valerie?" Agatha chirped.

I redirected my attention to the tall building before me. I didn't even notice we arrived already. "It's a building, auntie. Literally, a building."

"A pretty building!"

I laughed. "Everything is kinda pretty here! I'll admit."

She poked me teasingly on the hips. "Seeeeeeee~? You're already warming up to the place! I honestly thought you were going to say this place was overly colorful and happy."

"The high school is probably the least colorful place here, auntie. I mean, have you _actually _taken a good long look at your house?"

She rolled her eyes, turning the next corner. "You're so grumpy!" She waved me goodbye one last time before leaving, "See you later!"

I watched her clumsily race toward work. My, I've never seen a woman so obsessed with work. I mean, she worked on _Sundays_. Sundays are meant for rest, even the bible said so… Or was it Saturdays that were meant for rest?

I kept reflecting upon that as I walked the main hallway. The school, itself, was really small. Agatha told me only about 200 students went here. In New York, my school had _2000 _people_, _just to give some perspective.

"Um, good morning. Would you happen to be Valerie Marie Archwood?" A soft, barely audible, voice asked.

Yes, my two first names rhymed. My father's a cheesy poet.

As I turned to the voice's direction, I was presented with a tall blond guy. At first, I almost thought he was a teacher, due to the fact that he was wearing a tie in a no-uniformed school. However, his boyish face begged to differ.

"Yeah, that's me. Why?" I said.

He smiled, though it was obviously kind of forced. "I'm Nathaniel Willhem, the student body president. As a new member of our high school, you are required to give some paperwork in and the like. For official purposes and all."

He seemed nice enough. "Right. About that, my aunt said she passed by a few days ago to hand those in."

He scowled, and before he could formulate a response, the sound of a pair of shoes thumping on the floor accompanied with an angry voice interjected.

"Hey, Nathaniel! Don't you dare think you can get away from me, you fuckmuffin."

One would probably expect me to be shocked – perplexed with the sudden interruption and language. And I could easily say that here, but instead I'll just say the truth because I laughed so hard at the insult "fuckmuffin" that I can't possibly deny it. I wanted to applause at whoever said that. There, the truth.

Nathaniel, surprisingly, didn't seem fazed either, but he didn't laugh like I did. Instead, he exhaled through his nose, closing his eyes in exasperation, and turned around. I looked at where Nathaniel's eyes landed, and surely enough I saw the weird boy from yesterday stomping our way.

"Dude, I am _not _signing this stupid shit," he shoved a square piece of paper to Nathaniel's chest. "Leave me alone already!"

_The perks of transferring schools mid-term, _I thought, silent throughout the encounter otherwise.

Nathaniel seemed thrown off by this, but just slightly. "Castiel, if you really want to avoid signing detention slips, you probably should have just attended school like the rest of your classmates."

Castiel, Nathaniel, why do they all have angelic names?

I suppose Nathaniel's suits him. Blond, fair, blue eyes, handsome; as I said, totally suits him. However the other boy…

"Whatever. You know I can't-"

His eyes shifted my way. He took a good long look at me without saying a word.

"Uh, hey there," I tried. Better than just staring at each other awkwardly, I guess.

He pursed his lips, not really smiling. "Violet, was it?"

"Valerie, actually," I said. "I can't tell if you pretended not remembering my name to seem cool or just genuinely didn't remember."

"Whatever," He replied, rolling his eyes and shifting his attention back to Nathaniel.

I don't know why I found it necessary to reply. He didn't seem like the person you'd screw with, to say the least.

"I kinda do know, Castiel." My voice was stretched so thin I sounded like a piano out of tune.

Nathaniel seemed genuinely confused. I felt kind of bad, actually. Students gradually started entering the halls, looking strangely at the red haired boy gripping the blond student council president as he threw daggers at the new girl's direction.

"I don't need to pretend being cool, Vivian. I already am cool."

I was about to reply when Nathaniel shoved himself away from Castiel, dumbstruck. After looking between us again, he said, "What? Y-You two know each other?"

"As little as I know anyone here. I saw him yesterday." I said, shrugging. That was kind of what happened. I don't know this dude at all.

Nathaniel tightened his loose tie, ran a hand through his hair, and cleared his throat. Castiel rolled his eyes, and I remained still.

Castiel ran a hand through his hair and left. Without another word.

Nathaniel continued, "I'm sorry for the –uh, interruption, Valerie. As I was saying –"

I knew words were escaping Nathaniel's lips, and I really wanted to pay attention to them, but I was still a little surprised by how Castiel just walked out of the scene after almost choking the student council president. Nathaniel didn't seem to mind at all, but I minded.

Whoever this Castiel was, he seemed like a total enigma.

In the end, I gave in a missing sheet Nathaniel needed and was free to get going to classes. My homeroom teacher, Mr. Faraize was nice enough. Although he was obviously petrified of the school principal, who seemed like such a sweet lady. She even had a cute little lapdog.

Anyway, when the lunch bell finally rang, I was both relieved and worried. Relieved, because although I've covered everything we're studying in my old school I still had to catch up on the piles of work I missed from the first half of the term. Worried, because I didn't know anyone. Not anyone I could calmly sit at lunch with, anyway.

The cafeteria wasn't packed. In fact, there were no tables there, just the food counters. I wasn't hungry, so I didn't take any food. But I was curious as to where all the students went.

By the chocolate desserts was a girl with ginger hair that was neatly braided to her side, wearing a purple shirt and jeans shorts over striped tights.

I think I saw her in my biology class before… Isabelle? Lina? Pupil?

"Hey! I'm pretty sure I'm in your bio class and uh… so, where do we eat?" I had a feeling there was something wrong with how I approached her.

She turned her eyes toward me, and surprisingly, smiled. I had a feeling she'd make up an excuse and leave (that happened a lot in New York, so I wouldn't even be offended). "Ah, yeah, I know. You're Valerie, right? I'm Iris. Nice to meet you!" She dived straight for my hand and shook it. "I realize it might be kind of weird, but we eat wherever we want. Mostly, though, in the courtyard."

"Really? I need to say that's… kinda weird." I chuckled. She did too.

After that, Iris invited me to eat with her friends. They were all so… different from one another. Iris was in the music club, and seemed to be really passionate about it. Her friend Kim was very strong willed and tough, but still really cool. Then there was Violette, who didn't really talk much but appeared to constantly draw on her sketching pad. Finally, there was Melody, who was really pensive and insightful, but managed to surprisingly make me laugh sometimes at her silly remarks.

When lunch was over, I had a few more classes. History, English and P.E., all of which Castiel had too but ditched. I guess he didn't take Nathaniel's suggestion in mind, I don't know why I thought he would.

Sweating, panting, and exhausted I made my way out of P.E. Academically, I could handle this school very well. But I didn't know if I could physically. Then again, I might have just been really out of shape.

I pulled my sports bag closer to me and walked through the front gates. The air was still and humid, there were no kids playing in the streets now, and the clouds above darkened as I walked.

I wasn't worried of getting stuck in a storm; I was already pretty close to Agatha's. And it all seemed to follow along well until I actually got to the front door. It was locked. I forgot to ask Agatha for keys. Why was my luck so overwhelmingly biting lately?

In defeat, I slouched before the house. I massaged my temples, trying to ease my own stupidity from gnawing at my nerves.

Wait. Agatha worked at the local costume store. Maybe if I tried to find-

"I'm seriously starting to think you're homeless."

At the familiar voice I sighed. I looked up and – of _course _– it was that Castiel guy. He wore essentially the same kind of clothing as yesterday. The thing was, a thin cigarette hung from his lips this time. He smoked, I should've figured.

I straightened up a little. "Well… I'm seriously starting to think you're stalking me."

He smirked. "Ah, definitely. Because my life is obviously a whole buddle of nothingness unless I follow your every move."

I shrugged. "No wonder Mr. Faraiz told me to stay away from you."

"Dude wears the same blue vest every day. He can come talk to me about good lifestyle choices when he figures that one out."

I barked out a laugh. "What, he does? Really?"

"Yes. I'm starting to think he's a cartoon character." He threw his cigarette on the pavement, stepping on it to put the flame out.

I was about to ask why he was there in the first place when we both saw Aunt Agatha turn the corner. As soon as he saw her, Castiel left. Just like that – no explanation. Then again, it wasn't like I knew him or anything. He could leave without mention.

Yet… it almost felt like he somehow knew Agatha. I don't know. Probably not. Maybe he just figured she was my aunt and didn't want to talk to her.


	3. Chapter 3

**Chapter 3 – Health Class: **

"Are you okay?" Violette whispered, pulling at my sleeve.

"Yeah, I'm fine. Just a little distracted." I reassured her.

We were sitting side by side on classroom B, where apparently all announcements and exams took place. Seeing as the whole grade was called here, you'd expect it to be quite crammed. But really, our grade had about 15 people. Not too much, at all.

The day had been going relatively smoothly until then. Classes, classes, little chats with the girls in between classes, and more classes. But then the principal called us for an announcement – she seemed quite angry. I guess now I understand why everyone's afraid of her. She's freaking terrifying.

"Well then, students, I've had quite an awful day and would love it if YOU GUYS WOULD PLEASE SIT STILL AND LISTEN." She growled, somehow glaring at each of us at the same time. As I said, terrifying.

Everyone shut up, went still, and stiffened their gazes right at her.

She cleared her throat and smoothed her hair down. "Right, thank you." She turned to Mr. Faraize and snapped her fingers sharply, urging him to hand her over a sheet of paper.

"As you may well have noticed, for the past months our school has not been providing you health class – as we usually would do," that caught everyone's attention right up. "So, starting – CASTIEL, TAKE YOUR FEET OFF THE DESK" Castiel rolled his eyes but obliged. "Good boy. As I was saying, starting today you will start the class again with a small project."

Lysander raised his hand, which was odd; he never really talked in class.

"Yes… Lysander?" Said Mr. Faraize, who seemed quite surprised himself.

"Why did you stop the class in the first place?" Lysander asked.

Mr. Faraize was about to answer, but the principal cut him right off. "Irrelevant! Now. For each class, we picked a different health project. You lot have the assignment to take care of a baby, in pairs." Everyone stifled a laugh. Hell, _I _tried not to laugh. "Not a real one, or course, but you will be graded on your parental skills after all." She finished.

The thing is, I've done this project before. It was a way of preventing kids our age from getting pregnant and/or not have sex until they're 18, but the schools always claimed it was to ensure good parents for the future. Yeah, right.

The principal screamed at us again to get our attention. It was really scary, but I guess it did work.

"Now, you have until the end of lunch to pick out your partners, as your health class will be right after lunch break ends." As if on cue, the lunch bell rang, dismissing us.

Great, I have been here for less than a month and already I need to ask someone to be my partner for such an embarrassing project.

People slowly stood, gathering their things. I took the opportunity to look around the classroom for good partners. God, I felt like I was a hungry predator in hunting season.

Some people were already picking each other out – Iris asked Melody, Kim asked Violette, and suddenly all the sort-of-friends I had were taken. Then I tried the other side of the room, where Lysander seemed ask a girl named Rosa or something (they could pass as brother and sister, maybe they were). Nathaniel seemed to have found a partner as well.

I sighed, playing a piece of wool with my fingers. I took a look at the classroom's exit, as last resort. Castiel moved hastily, silently. I didn't want to ask, but in a way he was the only other person I talked to.

It took all my power to heave myself up and follow behind him. At least, it felt like it did.

"Castiel…" I tried. He just moved forward. I don't think he heard me.

"Castiel!" I pulled his sleeve and he turned sharply to face me, eyes on fire. Yeah, I don't think he's in a great mood today.

"What do you want?" He demanded, crossing his arms over his chest.

"Uh, hello."

"…Hi."

Silence.

"So I know you'll kinda say no, but why not raise a mechanical baby with me?"

I seriously had the oddest ways of asking people things.

His lips quirked to a smirk, the mood seeming lighter now that he did that. "Sure, as long as we get to do the fun part of the whole baby thing."

"'Cause I've never heard that one before!" I rolled my eyes. "Does that make us partners, then?"

"I don't really have anyone else to partner up with, so sure." He tried so hard to seem like he didn't like me. It was amusing. And hey, at least he was in a good mood now. I think.

I smiled, placing my hands on my hips. "Great, looks like we're getting out first baby after lunch."

"First baby? Seems like you either can't keep yourself from me or just want a huge family."

I chuckled, "How about wanting a good grade in this project?"

He creased his eyebrows, looking kind of confused. I admit he looked kind of cute doing that. Kind of. Sort of. A little bit. "I don't care as long as you change the mechanical diapers."


	4. Chapter 4

**Chapter 4 - Pretend Parenting:**

The piercing cry of a robot child broke out, filling my ears with wails and my brain with regret.

It had barely been two hours of having this project and I was honestly sick of it already. I think this is the universe telling me to never have kids.

"Jesus fucking Christ, can't you just shut that thing up?" But I need to say that my frustrations weren't quite as obvious as Castiel's. He was so done with this project, like John-Watson-with-Sherlock done.

"No," I replied to his protest, "I mean, there is a key to turn it off, but we obviously don't have that. So we'll have to just soothe it so sleep or something."

"Soothe your-fucking-self to sleep, you mechanic little shit." He spat the words like venom, looking at the fake baby as he rolled off the bench.

"You'd be a great daddy, Castiel." I said, cradling the baby, trying to calm it down.

"Yeah, whatever. You're taking it home, right?"

It hadn't struck me until then that one of us had to sacrifice their peaceful night's sleep to take care of it. I rolled my wrist to check my watch – 4:23 – it was already a little late to be hogging the school gates.

But, honestly? I didn't want to go home. Granted, being around Castiel when he's in his foulest of moods isn't uplifting either, but he didn't seem to want to leave either. I mean, I would guess he would just leave if he truly wanted to. Right?

"Sure. I can take care of it this weekend." I finally answered, shrugging my shoulders. "But you'll take it next week, right?"

He gave me the vaguest of side glances and chuckled dryly, rolling a cigarette between his lips. "Yeah, right. I'm not taking that thing anywhere with me."

I knit my brows together, cradling the baby. "What do you mean? You're supposed to play a part in this whole thing, you know?" I raised my voice a pitch higher. The fake baby's wails still shooting in the background of our conversation.

At that he turned to fully face me. The tip of his cigarette igniting bright orange as he took an intake from it, leaned back against the bench and shoved his hands in his pockets.

"Valerie," he mimicked a sweet voice, "I thought that when you asked me to be your partner you knew I wasn't actually gonna do anything. And, I mean, I'm not. But apparently you didn't quite grasp that."

The child finally calmed down and shut up, and I fixed my gaze right at him. He was frowning, looking back at me with his dark eyes – as if daring me to protest. But I wasn't going to keep quiet about his shit attitude even if he paid me to.

"Look, _Castiel,_" I placed the now quiet doll in the bench and placed my hands on my hips. "When an individual asks you to work with them in something they actually, you know, expect you to _work _with them. So, of course I thought you were going to do something when I asked you!"

"I don't know, I thought you asked me because you didn't have anyone else, or wanted me or something."

I flinched. Was he serious right now? "Wanted _you_? Oh, get off your high horse, Hines! I just didn't have anyone else who I knew to pair up with and – to tell you the truth? – you seemed quite okay up until now!"

He pursed his lips, making me wonder how he managed to keep the cigarette from falling. He grabbed his backpack roughly and turned around. "That's great, princess. Have fun changing fake dirty diapers all night."

Then, he just left. Or should I say, he gruffly and childishly made his way through the gates without even a second glance. Either way, I bit the urge to shout after him, calling him a selfish, self-indulgent cornball.

I – not in the gentlest manner – grabbed my fake child and stomped my way back home.

* * *

"Hello, dearest~! How was your day at school today?" My aunt's sweet voice hummed from the kitchen. The sugary scent of cookies in the oven wafted in the air. She was baking for me, as she usually does on Fridays after school.

"Not great, Auntie, not great," I thumped down on a stool, throwing my bag on the counter before me.

Agatha made her way to the counter with worry taking up each feature of her delicate face. "Why, what happened?"

"Oh, you know, nothing much. Only I was stupid enough to pair up with the most arrogant, self-centered, useless, egotistical prick in the face of the earth who just automatically assumed I was going to do all the work while he just sits there puffing out smoke like he's a freaking chimney!"

I took a deep breath and fell back on my stool, covering my face with the sleeves of my sweater and letting out a frustrated groan. I really had to get all that building anger out of my chest.

"That… was a wild ride from start to finish." She replied awkwardly. I couldn't help but grin beneath the wool. "But I do think it is missing a few details, don't you?"

I told her pretty much everything then. I didn't mention his name, though. I figured that she probably knew him, or his parents at least. As much as he tries not to be noticed, Castiel is pretty hard to miss.

Throughout my whole explanation, Agatha just nodded her head, occasionally asking silly questions to lift my mood up like, "And did that teacher reply with 'your ungraceful one' or 'your celestial nastiness' every time he replied to the principal?" or "I bet I should ask how you left the other guy, huh?" or "Are you sure we can't put this baby up for adoption? I think this is the better route".

To say the least, it worked. I felt a lot better after talking to Agatha. We later spent the evening watching TV and taking care of the fake baby.

That evening reminded me a lot of the when we played together when I was a kid. I need that.

* * *

**(A/N): **Sorry for taking so long with this one! I'll try to get a bunch of chapters out before New Years, since I've recently finally made myself write my ideas down in a coherent way. So stay tuned for that (hopefully)!


	5. Chapter 5

Chapter 5 – Cassie:

I hadn't really slept well due to the obnoxious little thing waking me up at least twice an hour. Whoever designed this was pretty accurate on that department, at least.

Thanksgiving was next weekend, meaning my aunt and I would prepare a huge dinner and pretty much our entire family would come to visit. That also meant I would get to see my parents for the first time since I moved in. Great.

It's not really that I don't like my parents, it's just that we don't understand each other all that well. For example, they never really showed me any support last year when I needed them the most. Instead, they just told me to get over myself and smile for their snobby business friends. Yeah, we didn't get along at all.

"I think you should take Cassie out for a stroll around the park!" Aunt Agatha exclaimed cheerfully, weaving her hair into its usual braid.

I peered at her from my bowl full of mac n' cheese, arching my brow. "Why would I do that? It's just a bunch of metal and plastic wired together," I said, and gazed at it from its "crib" (in other words, an old chair with a blanket draped over it). "Besides, it's not like we have a stroller or anything." I remind her.

"No, but you can still take a little walk with her. Get some little fresh air, huh?" She turned to face me, a huge grin on her face. It was only then that I actually stopped to take a good long look at her. She was wearing a very dressy shirt and a fancy white lace skirt. She was obviously going out today, but not the 'I'm-going-to-the-grocery's' out, but more like 'I'm-gonna-get-my-kicks-tonight' out.

"You want me out of the house. Why?" I replied.

She seemed taken aback by that. "W- I don't want you out! I just thought it would be nice if you didn't just stay here all evening." She laughed nervously.

"Okay, okay. I get it. I guess I'm going out then." I stood from the table, grabbing the doll and wrapping the blanket around it. "Just make sure to say hi to your date for me."

"I'm not going on a-"

"Have fun!" I shouted after her before slipping out of the kitchen and exiting the house.

* * *

The sun shone through the leaves of the tree I sat under, its rays of light drawn before me in pale yellow. It was a beautiful day. All around the park were picnic baskets under plaid sheets, families gathered around while little children raced through the grass fields.

The damn thing's robotic cry shattered the whole scene for me. I sighed, grabbing a 'bottle' from my bag and feeding it. 'The bottle' was actually a toy baby bottle with a sensor on its tip that the mouth of the doll registered when it touched it.

Usually, when I feed it, it stopped crying immediately. But lucky for me, it continued crying this time. People started glaring at me and the obviously fake baby. I groaned under my breath and began singing to it:

"Shut up, little baby, shut up.

I'll throw you out and break your neck,

I fed you, so please shut up!"

Obviously, he didn't stop. At least I got out a little of my frustration.

"Wow. You weren't kidding when you said you'd be a horrible mother."

My life is starting to look like some cheesy high school drama. I know this is a tiny ass town but how does he always show up?!

I looked up, and to my demise, I found the last person I wanted to see. Freaking Castiel Hines. I'm still pretty pissed at him.

He laughed dryly when he saw my expression. "I'm glad to see you, too."

"Piss off, Hines. I'm not in the mood for you right now." I spat.

He placed a hand on his chest, as if offended. "What? Am I not allowed to see my son anymore?"

"What's gotten you in such a good mood?" I pursed my lips, placing the baby beside me.

"Well, for one, I had a good night's sleep last night." He smirked, tossing his red hair to the side.

"Ha. Ha."

He got serious again, crossing his arms across his chest. It was weird. Whenever he was in a good mood he held himself loosely, hands on pockets, lean figure slouched. However, on the remaining 70% of the time when he was in a pissy mood, he had his arms tightly crossed, eyes grim and brows knitted together.

After a moment of silence, he said, "I saw you here. And, I guess I wanted to…"

He can't bring himself to say it. Typical rebel.

"- I can take care of the thing, I guess. Only for a night, though. Don't think I want to help you or anything. You just look like death." He said it all to quickly, but I still got it.

I grinned. "Don't worry. I wouldn't think you actually felt sympathy for me."

He rolled his eyes and glanced around the park as if to avoid looking me in the eye.

He cleared his throat. "You can give it to me now if you have the stuff I need." He motioned over to my bag. "I can take it now. You should go home and sleep," He coughed awkwardly into his palm, "or something."

I was kind of shocked. Yeah, he was trying to act like he really didn't like me. But in his own way, it was kind of sweet. Whatever got him in such a good mood needs to be praised.

I handed him the bag and the baby. Before he left, I said, "It's a girl, by the way. The doll."

He rolled his eyes. "Great. Now I'm forced to give it a name."

I laughed. "My aunt calls her Cassie. Don't ask me why."

"Cassie, huh…" He looked down at the baby, plastic eyelids covering its marble eyes. And with that, he left with a confused look on his face.

It was only then that it dawned on me why my aunt chose the name Cassie. It wasn't just a random name, as I had thought. She somehow knew the boy I was talking about was Castiel. And so, she named the baby with an affectionate abbreviation for his name: Cassie.


	6. Chapter 6

**_Chapter 6 – Cranberry Sauce and Long Skirts with Sweaters: _**

Although Castiel said he'd only watch over Cassie that day, we kept switching every other day for the remainder of the week. I didn't confront my aunt about her knowing Castiel yet. Maybe she saw us talking the other day, or had a lucky guess, or maybe she didn't even know him at all and it was all just a huge coincidence.

Either way, by the end of the week Mr. Faraize announced the project was over. Everyone was relieved, as the babies were actually quite a pain for us all. Though, secretly, I admit I started growing fond of Cassie. It was kind of sad letting her go after all those sleepless nights I spent watching over her.

At least I would get some proper sleep now , though.

It was Wednesday after school, and seeing as Thanksgiving break was on the weekend, this was our last day of school for a while. Everyone was grinning from ear to ear, eagerly discussing their plans for the holiday.

I walked with Rosalya as we exited the school gates. We've become quite close for the past few weeks, especially since I discovered that we lived on the same street.

"-and so I'm meeting Leigh's parents for the first time! I'm so excited I'm vibrating, Valerie. Vibrating!" Rosalya exclaimed, dancing along the path.

I smiled at her. "That's awesome, Rosa. I hope you get along with his folks."

"Yeah, I'm sure they're great," She said, resuming to walk normally beside me. "Speaking of which, what're you doing this Thanksgiving?"

I glanced at her. Her eyes were wide and bright. I didn't expect her to be genuinely curious about my plans for the holiday, even if we were friends.

I looked back to my front, shrugging. "The usual stuff. Family. Big Thanksgiving dinner."

"Are you going back to New York?"

"No, my family is coming here."

"Oh! That's cool! Maybe I can meet your parents, huh? See where you get your personality and all." She elbowed me playfully as we reached our street.

I managed a small smile. I haven't told anyone about the reason I was actually transferred here. All I said was that I went to move in with my aunt. No more, no less.

After finally getting rid of my past, why would I want to relive it by telling people I literally just met? Thing is, I wouldn't.

* * *

"Valerie!" My aunt's shrill voice called out from the kitchen, "Go to the grocery's and get me some cranberry sauce, will you?"

I set my book down, – extra reading for English class – and sighed loud enough for her to hear me. My aunt was always stressed when big things came up. She liked impressing others quite a lot. "I thought you stocked up on that, like, two days ago." I called back, not being bothered to stand up.

"Yes, but I gave it to that homeless charity thing, remember?" She shouted back.

I groaned, pulling myself off the couch. Thanksgiving was today and there was only one store that was opened (it was a market, actually), the one on the other side of town. I knew this place was small as hell, but I was still tired from taking care of little Cassie.

As I got my coat and scarf from the coat hanger, I shouted back an ,'Ugh, fine' to Aunt Agatha. I wasn't particularly thrilled that I was going to spend the weekend with my parents, either.

I walked through town, passing all the houses I have become extremely familiarized with for the past month, the chilly wind blowing past me like I wasn't even there, pushing roughly against my cheeks. The cold was starting to toughen up for winter.

As soon as I came to the little market beside the Mall, I searched the stands for cranberry sauce. After circling them for what felt like the 11th time, I was completely unable to find any. I groaned, which made the woman behind one of the stands stare at me quite rudely.

"S-sorry, ma'am," I stammered, "I was just wondering whether you had some cranberry sauce left?"

She shook her head, her frown fading slightly. "Nah, girl. Boy ova' there took every last of 'em."

She pointed at a tall boy with white hair, wearing what seemed like a purple Victorian coat. It didn't take me long to figure out who it was.

I thanked the lady and made my way over to him. He was holding at the very least a dozen cans of cranberry sauce. I haven't talked to him formally before, but I could at least ask if I could have one. Hell, I would even take half a can if I could.

"Um, excuse me? Lysander?" I asked, suddenly feeling a little shy. He had this aura of superiority to him, I think.

He turned to me, eyes narrowed. "Oh, hello. You're Valerie, isn't that right? The girl Castiel's always around?"

I flinched at that last comment. That wasn't true. I wasn't _always _around Castiel. We just had a group project to do last week. And as for the other times we were found talking together, it was because we just bumped into each other. It happens in a small place like this, right?

He raised an eyebrow, patiently waiting for my answer.

"Oh! Sorry. Yeah, I am. But I don't always hang around him. I mean, do I?" I mentally kicked myself for blabbering on. My mind was always so much… well, less awkward and stupid sounding than my mouth.

He grinned knowingly. "Sure, if that makes you feel better. Anyway, enough of that. How may I help you, Valerie?" He asked. One of his cans almost fell from his arms. I stared right at it. He noticed.

I nodded at them. "So… uh, whatcha doing with all those cans? Dinner for 20?"

He chuckled slightly. "In a way. We have many guests over this year." He said. "Anyway, I need every one of them." He brought emphasis to his last sentence.

"Oh… I see." I slumped my shoulders. Agatha wasn't going to be happy with me.

He opened his mouth, but then shut it once more, hesitating.

"Maybe…. Perhaps, I suppose, I could give you one of them if you truly need it." He said, still looking a little bit dubious.

I straightened up, smiling wide. "You mean it? Thanks, Lysander! You saved my life; I owe you big time." I added that last part so he didn't have much of a chance to take it back.

"Don't worry about it. A friend of Castiel's is a friend of mine." He gave a little smile, handing me one of the cans.

I was going to argue against being Castiel's friend, but decided against it. I wasn't going to ruin this moment. It was Thanksgiving, too.

We parted ways after that, him cradling the cans as though his life depended on it, and me clutching the little can as I made my way back to Agatha's house.

* * *

I closed the door behind me before anymore cold could seep in, throwing my coat on the coat hanger's hook. I held the can in both hands as I made my way to the kitchen, like a child holding a painting ready to be shown to her mother.

"Aunt Aggie! You'll never guess what I had to-" I paused about a foot into the kitchen. My mouth felt dry as I stared at my aunt and mother as they sat down on the kitchen table, a steaming mug on each of their hands.

My mother stood up, starring expectantly at me.

I couldn't think of what to say as I backed away from the kitchen, bumping against something tall and lean. My father.

After what felt like the longest moment of silence, I said, "Y-I mean, you guys aren't supposed to be here until-" I stared the clock on the wall. It was only 4:05. No one had dinner at 4:05 in the afternoon. Why where they here so soon, without anyone else?

"We know, Valerie. We just wanted to see you before the rest of the family came over." My mother said, "That isn't a bad thing… is it?"

I hated how they acted to cautiously around me. Like I was made of glass. Like I was hanging from the edge of the counter. Like I was going to fall off and shatter into millions of unrepairable little pieces.

My father still stood behind me, and patted me lightly – too lightly – on the back. "It's alright, Janice, she's just surprised to see us after so long. Isn't that right, Val?"

I didn't answer. Instead, I walked past my mother and to my aunt, who was still seated by the table.

She smiled when I set the can of cranberry sauce in front of her. "I knew I could count on you, sweetie! No go on and take a shower before everyone else arrives. We adults can handle the rest of the cooking from here."

I shrugged and walked to the stairs. I could hear my parents whispering to one another. But I didn't hear Agatha's voice. She seemed to have been quiet throughout their exchange.

* * *

I saw my aunt enter my room from the corner of my eye as I was smoothing down my long skirt. I turned around and saw her smiling at me.

"Many people would say that long skirts with flowery patterns and sweaters don't look good together, but I love it when you wear them." She said, sitting down on the edge of my bed.

"Auntie, I wear this practically every day," I reminded her, sitting on the bed alongside of her.

"Yes, I know that. I love it. It feels like you're making a fashion statement while still managing to look pretty."

I managed a tiny smile, my gaze falling to my hands folded over my lap. "Mom hates it." I whispered.

Her smile turned into a frown. She sighed, falling to her knees and clutching my hand.

"I may not agree with everything my brother and his wife do," She started, looking me right in the eyes, "But what I do know is that they love you very much. But you know, even adults make mistakes. Even adults don't know how to deal with certain situations sometimes."

I stayed quiet for so long that eventually she stood up and left. I wasn't upset because she made that point. I was upset because a part of me saw where she was coming from.


	7. Chapter 7

**_Chapter 7 - Chaotic Thanksgiving Dinner:_**

I slowly made my way downstairs, the sound of my relatives chatting with one another becoming louder as I descended.

Before I had the chance to reach the last step, one of my cousins had already caught sight of me.

"Valerie!" He called out, pushing his way past his parents to get to me. "We were all waiting for you! Come on, dinner's ready." He – Enzo – grabbed my hand, hastily pulling me toward the dining room. Enzo was about twelve and quite short for his age as it was, but he still managed to drag me half across the house with no trouble at all.

When we reached the dining room, all conversation dulled to an end. All eyes were on me. I felt heat creep over my cheeks as I pulled away from Enzo's grasp and sat on the very far end of the table. I rolled my sleeves up, tried to look confident in who I was, and sipped on my water.

My relatives sank awkwardly back into conversation. Some of them still threw me some side glances, but I already felt a little calmer.

I remember when things used to be different, and they didn't look at me like I was seriously messed up in the head and should be directed to with extreme caution. Only my aunt and Enzo acted like I was normal. And Enzo probably only treated me normally because he doesn't know. I hardly think that counts.

I felt a shy tug at my sleeve. I looked sideways at Enzo, "You okay?" He asked, leaning from his chair.

I smiled softly at him, nodding once.

But I don't think I was. I could still feel a few stares. One of which I just knew belonged to my mother.

"Alrighty, family," Agatha's sugary voice boomed from the kitchen, her apron hanging loosely on her figure as she waltzed in with the turkey, "the time we all waited for has arrived!"

Everyone cheered in delight, already forgetting the whole ordeal with me. At that moment, I couldn't have loved Aunt Agatha more.

As she set the tray down in the middle of the table, her gaze darted my way. She seemed surprised at first, but then smiled at me.

After prayers, everyone dug right in. Out of the whole family, everyone knew Agatha's cooking was the best – as crazy as she could be sometimes.

I waited for my relatives to grab some things before I did. Everything is going well so far, I remember thinking.

But then...

"Aren't you going to eat anything else, Valerie?" I cringed. My mother's sharp sharp sharp voice called. I don't think I've ever heard her voice sound so judgmental before.

I raised my eyes. "No... I'm just waiting for everyone else to get their food first," I replied shyly.

"Oh." My mother wasn't expecting that. I wonder what she thought I was going to say.

"That's really polite, Val. We've raised you well." My dad chimed in, pushing his glasses back as he passed me the mashed potatoes.

I didn't even have the chance to withdraw my hand from the table before my grandmother said, "She wouldn't be living here if you had raised the girl right, Walter." She huffed, throwing daggers at both my parents.

Silence.

No more sounds of utensils clashing with the fancy porcelain plates Agatha saved up for. Suddenly my eyes are glued to the fine china, refusing to go anywhere else.

Even so, I could still see my parents' cheeks burn and their eyes drop from the corner of mine. They were ashamed. I was, too.

My aunt was the first to break that suffocating silence; "That's enough, mom! Valerie is a great girl and we all love her." She huffed, holding her arms across her chest.

"Yeah, granny," I hear Enzo's sweet, innocent voice beside me. "Valerie's super awesome. Why would you say that?"

Oh no. Please don't tell him.

No one responded. They just went on as if nothing had happened. But it was too late. I could already feel hot tears escaping my eyes, no matter how hard I tried to hold them back.

"Val?" I feel Enzo's tiny hand on my arm. Agatha threw her napkin on the table and was about to stand up, but I darted out the dining room quicker.

And so I was off. Out the door. The freezing cold biting my hot tears as I dashed across the road, far far away from that nightmare.

'Please, please, please, please don't let anyone tell Enzo'; I kept repeating that over and over in my head. Everyone already knew and I couldn't handle having him look at me weird too. I love my mom. I love my dad. But I missed being part of the family so much it ached like a hot iron rod through the heart. It was like they didn't even know me anymore.

Suddenly I stopped sprinting. My knees wobbled and I fell to the cold pavement, my arms wrapped tight around my stomach. I felt sick. But I couldn't go back. And I knew I had to but at that moment I couldn't bring myself to.

I realized then I was quite a few streets away.

At night, this place looked almost normal. Suddenly, it didn't look like this beautiful utopia I had built up in my head. It just looked like an ordinary town in the Mideast. I let myself lean against the wall of a house and calm my breathing.

I stayed like that for a while and though of anything but what just happened. I though of the upcoming test on Tuesday, that one fashion TV series Rosa was begging me to watch, people at school...

Then, the lights of the house behind me turned on. My heart dropped onto the pavement. I scrambled to get up as I heard the loud footsteps inside lazily walk towards the front door. I wasn't even making any noise!

I managed to stand on my feet and race toward the next house's yard, hiding behind some bushes on their front porch.

I was surprised when I saw that the person opening the door was Iris. She looked around, wearing a purple sweater and green jeans. Iris!

I was about to run up to her and ask if I could sleepover (though now that I think back on it, it would be pretty creepy since I was obviously the one creeping on her porch).

But then I realized that she was smiling widely. Probably because her brother was ruffling her hair and teasing her as their mother called them for something I couldn't quite catch. She pushed him playfully inside and closed the door, not once glancing at my direction.

Oh.

I almost forgot it was still Thanksgiving. Life moved on.

I sat on the grass and waited for as long as I thought people were still at my Agatha's house. With what happened, I figured they'd left right after dinner.

"So do you like to just casually sit around on people's front porch during the holidays, or…"

My heart jumped at Castiel's sudden appearance breaking the quiet.

He was looking at me, on his pajama pants and a black sweater hanging from his frame. His hand was holding the side of the front door and his hair was an obvious mess.

I was honestly not even surprised anymore.

But I was sad. And I was already crying a bit before he showed up and when I saw him I wanted to stop but that only caused me to start crying even more. In a summary, I started crying uncontrollably in front of Castiel Hines's house at 9:40 at night.

He seemed alarmed. "Hey, now…" He closed his front door and stalked closer to me, hushing me along.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean to upset you…" He tried, hovering awkwardly over me as if he didn't really know how to comfort me. I could tell he wasn't used to this. And I was sorry I had just shown up at his house and started crying without a single explanation, but I didn't know how to stop.

Castiel said nothing for a while. He let me cry in peace, sitting beside me without saying a single word. He didn't stare at me as I did, which I greatly appreciated.

When my crying calmed and turned into mere shaky breaths, he spoke, "Having a rough time on the holiday season?" His voice was rough, low. He was looking away from me, at the road, as he asked the question.

"Yes," I murmured, picking at my skirts.

"I figured." He replied. A pause, then, "It doesn't really explain why you're crying on my front porch, but okay."

I laughed a little. There he was. I was starting to wonder where his little comments had gone.

"Sorry, I guess." I reply, wiping tears from my chin with my sweater sleeve. "I didn't know this was your house, your royal highness."

"Good. I don't like peasants meddling about on my most royal property." He smirked, propping himself on the elbows as he looked up at me.

I laid myself down next to him. Might as well kill some time here, I thought. And besides… I kind of liked spending time with him. A tad bit.

"Go on." He said right as my back hit the prickly grass.

I turned to him, confused. He was still gazing at the night sky, shrugged. Said:

"Tell me why you're upset. You've already woken me up. I might as well pretend to listen to your problems."

By now I could already tell that was his way of saying, "Why are you upset? Maybe I can help."

So I did. I told him pretty much everything, not censoring anything. I started by telling him about New York, my depression, my parents. And I finished by telling him about what happened this evening.

As I went dragging on, he had propped himself up and gazed at me telling the story with his brows furrowed. He didn't interrupt, not once. Not to say, "I'm so sorry," or "That sucks". He just listened, and I kind of liked that.

Once I was done, the silence came back – but only briefly. He lay back down and said, "I _did _find it kinda weird that you came right in the middle of October."

I sighed. "Yeah, well."

It was silent again for a while. I admit I almost fell asleep, right then and there with my hair tangled on the dried grass and Castiel right beside me. But then he stood up, dragging my attention back to him.

"I'm going back to bed," He announced, not quite looking me in the eyes.

"Okay," I replied.

He turned to leave. Right before he opened the front door, I said, "Thanks, Castiel. For real."

I was so tired I wasn't sure if I saw him hesitate before entering his house or if I just imagined it. But when he was gone, I walked back home. My relatives had left right after dinner like I anticipated, and Agatha was already in bed.


	8. HOLLA

So. Hey. I haven't updated this story in two years :)))) I was 14 and obsessed with Castiel. If you couldn't tell.

But after (somehow) getting a review today on this story after all this time, I remembered that it existed (It just seemed to have escaped my memory), and read back on the chapters.

...

I was 14, I repeat.

Still, reading back weirdly enough made me want to continue writing Belonging. So, I will.

I still have a vague outline from back in the day, so I should start writing and updating soon enough.

If anyone still cares, thank you for sticking to this story. It holds a special place in my heart, even if I was only my stupid little 14 year old self when I created it. :)


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